Behind my shadow, there's always something else: July 2008

7/31/08

It’s easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It’s so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone

Something has been taken
From deep inside of me
A secret I’ve kept locked away
No one can ever see
Wounds so deep they never show
They never go away
Like moving pictures in my head
For years and years they’ve played

If I could change I would
Take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could take all the shame to the grave I would

Sometimes I remember
The darkness of my past
Bringing back these memories I wish I didn’t have
Sometimes I think of letting go
And never looking back
And never moving forward so
There would never bee a past

Just washing it aside
All of the helplessness inside
Pretending I don’t feel misplaced
Is so much simpler than change

It’s easier to run replacing this pain with something numb
It’s so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone

Love this song.
A secret I’ve kept locked away
No one can ever see
:D A secret. Do you have any secrets that nobody else knows of?
You can tell me, I don't mind! I'm currently collecting secrets!

Dear Diary,
In this materialistic world,
Would running away be the best solution to everything?
Maybe not, but it's certainly the best way out of situations.
Especially difficult ones.
Ah, today I was quite happy.
After all I got 28/30 for NAPFA.
Something I had done for the first time.

I wanna say a big THANK YOU to Kimberly and her mum,
For driving me to school every morning,
So I need not wake up early and rush int he morning.
Thank you very much.

Today you asked me to smile.
Today you told me not to think about such things.
Yesterday you comforted me, although you didn't say anything.

Thank you Diary,
Thank you for letting me write on you.

OOH. I think I'm getting happier day by day. :)
Which is GOOD.
The I wouldn't think about so much stuff.
Then the brain cells wouldn't die.
OH! Means maybe I'll be better academically!
Maybe Momma will be happier then!

I thought of something nice! But I go and chat on msn and forgot what i wanted to type. Tsk! Aiya. Later remember le then edit. xD

7/29/08

Laura, I've never known this was how you felt, 6 weeks, and you put up with all of that. I look up to you to have lasted this long, coming this far. Sorry about ignoring you if Qiggie and I did. Guess I have always thought of you to be happy, cheery and stuff. I was careless. Failed to remember how everyone could have felt, failed to remember you had your sensitive side too.

Failed.

But anyway, again, we could talk things out. Confession over here. Sometimes, I think Qiggie talk a little too much. Sometimes when I want to listen, she would talk to me. Sorry Qiggie. Sorry if you read or hear about this.

Everyone has been sad and down lately. What's happening. I wish I knew. It sounds like it's coming to the end of the world? I hope not. Cheer up everyone. The downfall of 2 Grace! Oh My Gosh. That won't happen right.

Dear Diary,
She told me to think it over.
She asked me if I am happy.
She said I was _________.
She mentioned the word _________.
She told me to cheer up.
He asked me if I were ok.

I have thought it over.
I am at least satisfied.
I am Sorry.
I hate that word.
I cheered up.
I am ok.

Thank you to these people who have taught me new things. New things that I have never noticed, things that probably nobody noticed. Things that had always existed in everyone, but yet it is something that everyone would cast aside.

Thank you Diary,
Thank you for letting me write on you.

7/28/08

Today, was nothing much? Just Sixth Sense... It annoyed me. It wasn't even scary and Yati went like " Timid ones don't watch! Brave ones can watch. " -.- Which part was it again? The girl vomiting? Never see people vomit before is it. Wapiang. Cannot stand her. No long sleeve, sorry ( as if ).

Oh, P.E was fun? Volleyball, many a time the ball almost went into the lake. Actually, just once. We won, I don't care, we didn't even keep the scores... But they kept changing groups! A moment Wei Yang is on your side, a moment you see him against you.

Watching you from the back is a torture,
What you said was right.
When we part each other,
What will happen?
Will we drift apart?

I didn't talk to you much,
Was because,
I was watching each and every move of yours.
Watching closely,
I notice your every movement and everything you do.
When I lose you,
I know I will certainly cry.
Will you leave me?
I don't want to lose you.
Wish you will stay by me forever and ever.

7/27/08

You Are a Blue Crayon

Your world is colored in calm, understated, deep colors.
You are a loyal person, and the truest friend anyone could hope to find.
On the inside, you tend to be emotional and even a bit moody.
However, you know that people depend on you. So you put on a strong front.

Your color wheel opposite is orange. Orange people may be opinionated, but you feel they lack the depth to truly understand what they're saying.

What Color Crayon Are You?

GOSH THIS IS LIKE SO TRUE. I just realised something I have never known. However, you know that people depend on you. So you put on a strong front. Yea... Maybe this is tiring me out. I'll stop putting up a strong front, stop smiling when I don't mean it.

You Are a Good Friend Because You're Loyal

You stick with your friends no matter what, even if you feel like they're doing the wrong thing.

You believe in letting people figure out their own path in life. It's not your place to interfere.

And part of your loyalty means that you'll do a lot for your friends. You definitely go the extra mile.

You'll even do great things for friends without them asking. After all, that's what friendship is all about.

You are truly a friend for life. And you have friends you've known since you were a kid.

Your friends can count on you to do a favor, remember a birthday, or just be there to listen.

Your friends need you most when: They can't turn to anyone else

You really can't be friends with: Fickle people who change friends quickly

Your friendship quote: "Friendship doubles your joys, and divides your sorrows."

What Makes You a Good Friend?

I wonder...

You Are 96% Burned Out

You are extremely burned out.

You work too hard, and you're not getting the results you deserve.

It's time for a life change, as soon as you can manage it.

You're giving away most of your energy to something you don't even enjoy.

Are You Burned Out?

So serious? 96% is almost everything.

Your April Fool's Day Prank Should Be

Setting off stink bombs

What April Fool's Prank Should You Play?

Careful next year!

Your Inner Child Is Sad

You're a very sensitive soul.

You haven't grown that thick skin that most adults have.

Easily hurt, you tend to retreat to your comfort zone.

You don't let many people in - unless you've trusted them for a long time.

How Is Your Inner Child?

Exactly.

OH MY GOD.

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	4.3
Mind:	3.7
Body:	5.5
Spirit:	2.1
Friends/Family:	4.7
Love:	2.1
Finance:	4.2
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

Is my life that bad...

7/26/08

Dear Diary,
Yesterday she asked me where my smile went.
I told her it was in my pocket.
I couldn't tell her I lost it,
She was so happy.
I couldn't tell her I have lost it long ago.
Everyone was so happy yesterday,
I just couldn't spoil their mood.

Thank you Diary,
Thank you for letting me write on you.

7/24/08

24th July 24th July 24th July 24th July 24th July 24th July 24th July 24th July 24th July 24th July 24th July 24th July 24th July 24th July 24th July 24th July 24th July 24th July 24th July 24th July 24th July 24th July 24th July 24th July 24th July 24th July 24th July 24th July 24th July 24th July 24th July 24th July 24th July 24th July 24th July 24th July 24th July 24th July 24th July 24th July 24th July 24th July 24th July 24th July 24th July 24th July 24th July 24th July 24th July 24th July 24th July 24th July 24th July 24th July 24th July 24th July 24th July 24th July 24th July 24th July 24th July 24th July 24th July 24th July 24th July 24th July 24th July 24th July 24th July 24th July 24th July 24th July 24th July 24th July 24th July 24th July 24th July 24th July 24th July 24th July 24th July 24th July 24th July 24th July 24th July

I absolutelty hate this day. Not because of 2.4, not because of anything else, but just because this day, reminds me. I hate this day. I hate it I hate it I hate it. But we had 2.4 today. Played arm wrestling with Jiaqi and Eelin before 2.4 started and was sweating like dunno wad even before running. And both matches was a draw. I'm gonna end this match tomorrow. I will win. Trust me. I promise. And I migh just break my promise. RAH. I'm becoming more and more like Chilli! Keep saying rah. Haiz. And I told him my tming and he said it's like his timing. I was just wondering if that's a little slow for his age ( no offence, Chilli! ). Damn, todaywas the last lesson with Ms Tng. ZZZ. Randomness.

The last time, the last chance. Then again, why? How would you live your life if you could live it all over again? 24th July. 24th July.

Dear Diary,
Today is he 24th of July. I hate this day totally. I am lost, lost in my own thoughts.
How I wish ______ could get out of my life.
How I wish tears didn't exist.
How I wish nobody had any feelings.
How I wish I could just ignore everything in life.
How I wish there was nobody else except me in this large world.
How I wish everything belonged to me.
How I wish...
But I know, I know you care for me.

7/23/08

I was bored and went to do blogthings. Blogthings is like addictive.

You Are a Banana

You are mellow, easy going, and a total softie on the inside.

People find it really easy to get along with you. You suit most tastes.

And while you're very sweet, you're not boring or ordinary.

You have an attraction to the exotic, and you could show up anywhere... doing almost anything!

You are spirited, energetic, and a total kick to be around.

You're also quite funny. Your sense of humor is on the goofy side, and it fits you well.

What Type of Fruit Are You?

Does my sense of humour fit me well. Softie on the inside. True. xD

Your Brain's Pattern

Your mind is a firestorm - full of intensity and drama.

Your thoughts may seem scattered to you most of the time...

But they often seem strong and passionate to those around you.

You are a natural influencer. The thoughts you share are very powerful and persuading.

What Pattern Is Your Brain?

LOL. Yes I totally agree with this.

Your Famous Last Words Will Be:

"So, you're a cannibal."

What Will Your Famous Last Words Be?

... Famous meh.

You Are 0% Phobic

Wow, you're scared of very little. And you're always conquering new fears that come up.

Have you considered a career as a stunt double? You should at least go on one of those crazy reality shows where you eat bugs!

How Phobic Are You?

The only problem with this quiz is they don't have afraid of balloons.

What's Important to You... And What Isn't:

For you, entertainment is usually your number one priority.

You don't mind having things to get done... as long as they don't pile up on you.

Your most important priorities get your attention. You are happily able to let the less important things slide.

You want thinking to be a high priority, but you don't take enough time for yourself.

The Priority Test

Don't really get this one...

You Are Extremely Charming

When someone talks to you, they feel like they are the most interesting person in the world.

And for you in that moment, they actually are.

You truly care about the people you're around, and it's obvious to everyone who meets you.

You are open, warm, friendly, and welcoming. You epitomize charm.

Are You Charming?

HAHAHAHAHA. You truly care about the people you're around, and it's obvious to everyone who meets you. Is this true?

Your Independence Level: High

You are extremely self reliant and autonomous.

You are definitely into doing your own thing.

But you also wouldn't turn down help if you needed it.

You follow your own path, but you don't do so blindly.

How Independent Are You?

HAHA. Maybe, maybe not. Depends la.

Your Body's Element is Water

You are a joyful, relaxed, and luminous person.

You love people. You live for making new friends and helping others.

You are enthusiastic and the ideal person to work with.

You don't mind doing hard tasks, and you have a generous spirit.

Your energy tends to be: conserved

You power color is: black

What Element is Your Body?

Water. I don't like water. I'd prefer fire. xD

You Go For Brains!

You want a guy with a big... brain.

And of course it would be nice if he were a total hottie, but you're not counting on it.

What's on the inside is what counts for you. (Besides, you can always change the outside later!)

Do You Go For A Guy's Brains or Body?

HOHO. Yes.

You Are Cyclops

Dedicated and responsible, you will always remain loyal to your cause.

You are a commanding leader - after all, you can kill someone just by looking at them.

Power: force beams from your eyes

Which of the X-Men Are You?

If looks could kill.

You Are 40% Emo

You're definitely not emo, but you do understand emo people a little. You are introspective, but not to the point of driving yourself crazy.

Are You Emo?

LOL. They ask all those studded belts kind of things. Who would dress that weirdly.

You Should Spend the Holidays In

Ireland - where you leave a bottle of Guinness out for Santa

What Country Should You Spend the Holidays In?

This is like stupid. Only one question.
Oh, Eelin, Chilli asked when you and I free go watch movie with him. LOL.

I want to avoid you,
Yet I can't run away from reality.
I want to hide under the blanket and cry,
But the tears came rolling down,
Before I could get under the blanket.

7/19/08

That was obiously my evil twin's work.

People Definitely Like You

You are very well liked, and many people admire you.

You are friendly, well mannered, and fun to be around.

Of course, you're not perfect... but that's okay.

Your friends are usually willing to accept you for who you are!

What People Don't Like About You:

People don't like that you seem unnatural and stiff at times. You sometimes give off an impression of being standoffish or fake.

What People Like About You:

People like that you don't gossip or talk poorly of others. They trust that you will speak positively about them too.

People like that you truly take and interest in them. Everyone likes to be liked!

People like your self deprecating sense of humor and that you don't take yourself too seriously.

Do People Like You?

What Your These Fireworks Say About You

You are chaotic, inspired, and very creative.

You're so creative, people don't really recognize your creativity.

What's expressive for you sometimes looks like a mess.

But you don't really care... you enjoy making your messes!

The Fireworks Test

You Are 70% Grown Up, 30% Kid

Congratulations, you are definitely quite emotionally mature.

Although you have your moments of moodiness, you're usually stable and level headed.

How Emotionally Mature Are You?

You Are Very Mature

Even though you may not always feel like it, you're a full fledged adult.

And while everyone should be as mature as you, most people aren't!

Are You Immature?

You Communicate Like a Woman

You empathize, talk things out, and express your emotions freely.

You're a good listener, and you're non-judgmental with your advice.

Communication is how you connect with people.

You're always up for a long talk, no matter how difficult the subject matter is.

Do You Communicate Like a Man or a Woman?

You Have A Type B+ Personality

You're a pro at going with the flow

You love to kick back and take in everything life has to offer

A total joy to be around, people crave your stability.

While you're totally laid back, you can have bouts of hyperactivity.

Get into a project you love, and you won't stop until it's done

You're passionate - just selective about your passions

Do You Have a Type A Personality?

What Your Soul Really Looks Like

You are a warm hearted and open minded person. It's easy for you to forgive and forget.

You are a grounded person, but you also leave room for imagination and dreams. You feet may be on the ground, but you're head is in the clouds.

You believe that people see you for how you are, not how you look. But deep down, you know that's not exactly true.

Your near future is all about change, but in very small steps. The end of the journey looks far, but it's much closer than you realize.

For you, love is all about caring and comfort. You couldn't fall in love with someone you didn't trust.

Inside the Room of Your Soul

You Are the Very Gay Winnie the Pooh!

Come on, he doesn't wear pants!

And he's a little too obsessed with Christopher Robin

What Gay Childhood Icon Are You?

You Are a Spoon

You are a well rounded, balanced person.

You are friendly and welcoming. You get along with everyone.

You are easy going and laid back. You don't have any hang ups.

Non judgmental and accepting, you are a comfort to people around you.

What Utensil Are You?

You Are a Zombie

You're a pretty apathetic person, and you often feel like you're sleep walking through life.

You don't necessarily have a case of the "blues", but you do have a case of the "blahs."

It's hard for you to snap out of your boring every day routine. You're a bit burned out.

The only thing you crave is the company of others. But you're not too nice to the people who do hang around you.

Your greatest power: Your lack of a normal conscience

Your greatest weakness: Your lack of most emotions

You play well with: Aliens

What Kind of Monster Are You?

You Are Banana Pocky

Your attitude: fun and lighthearted

Unique and unforgettable

You are cutie everyone falls for

What Flavor Pocky Are You?

You Are Banana Pocky

Your attitude: fun and lighthearted

Unique and unforgettable

You are cutie everyone falls for

What Flavor Pocky Are You?

You Are 74% Creative

You are beyond creative. You are a true artist - even if it's not in the conventional sense of the word.

You love creating for its own sake, and you find yourself quite inspired at times.

How Creative Are You?

Your Personality is Very Rare (INFP)

Your personality type is dreamy, romantic, elegant, and expressive.

Only about 5% of all people have your personality, including 6% of all women and 4% of all men

You are Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, and Perceiving.

How Rare Is Your Personality?

You Are From Mercury

You are talkative, clever, and knowledgeable - and it shows.

You probably never leave home without your cell phone!

You're witty, expressive, and aware of everything going on around you.

You love learning, playing, and taking in all of what life has to offer.

Be careful not to talk your friends' ears off, and temper your need to know everything.

What Planet Are You From?

OK. That's whole lot of quizzes! Of some which I find absolutely true. hehe, love those quizzes.

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
dunno leh, just feel kinda boliao....the world is so boring especially when u see it from my height cos i can only see ppl backside
ongieongie's evil twin

HAHAHAHA. took some quizzes from yuanyuan's bloggie.

What Your Taste in Music Says About You

Your musical tastes are reflective and complex.
You are intellectual to the point of being cerebral.

You are very open to new experiences, and even more open to new ideas and theories.
Wisdom and personal accomplishment are important to you.

You are naturally sophisticated. You are drawn to art, especially art by independent artists.
You are likely to be financially well off... and not because you were born that way.

href="http://www.blogthings.com/whatdoesyourtasteinmusicsayaboutyouquiz/">What Does Your Taste in Music Say About You?

7/13/08

Sometimes I wonder if you are sad about my existence, and I wonder if I should approach you and we solve the problems together. But I am afraid we might make matters worse, and we all end up crying or whatever.

7/12/08

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AUNTY GILLIAN

So everyone is getting emotinal over everything these few days huh... And eelin sounded so emo on her blog. Smile, girl, if you read this. Haiz. Volleyball rocks. The competition doesn't. Horny 1 rocks, the topic doesn't. It just links up altogether. Am I thinking too much?

There are certain things I wanna tell all of you, but I can't bring myself to type it all out, for the sake of you. Do you see where you stand now? You have been asking me over and over again. This is my answer. It is all because of you.

I am trembling, and the more I tell myself not to temble, the worse the trembling gets.

Sorry if you were talking about me.

7/9/08

haiz. this is getting boring, don't you agree. get well qianny and hoony. found your relative today in the canteen too. also bee hoon. your close friend?

so like ya. volleyball! we do so much better when we're not competing. but nvm, it's all in the bonding, i guess, if there's any laaaaa. went back to class, slack a while then go ITC. go in so crowded! filled with life. hurhur. then we play the clap point then bang game. vampire too. we did math hw too! and then this eugene and ahani also try to learn.

tsk tsk. slow reflexes. and before that. i am sooooo popular to the point my juniors have fallen for me. -.- no la, i anyhow say one. but they keep looking at me and laugh and say i very cute. WHERE GOT JUNIOR SAY SENIOR CUTE ONE!? ridiculous.

and then got one conversation went like:
Laura: AHANI!!!
Ahani: What?
Me: HAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAHA. Ahani voice so cute! ( cartoon cartoon one his voice xD )]
L: AHANI!!!
A: What!
M: HAHAHAHAHAHA. so cute so cute!
L: EH! his new nickname is hahani!

LOL HAHANI. AHANI ESA MATTHEW. so call him matthew or ahani. but since they all call him ahani so ahani it shall be, first time see his name in the attendance list i dunno wad to call. NO OFFENCE AHANI! ahani, if you ever see this, must clarify with me ok!

poor celestine.
poor qianhui, 40 degrees celcius. the thermometer spoil. poor thermometer ____________.
yes, fill-in-the-blank. if nto i fill in you all say i mean. don mean lo!
but then again, i want to fill that in.
ok i shall not.
-.-
this is stupid.

oh ok. back to ITC. then i play the point clap bang game with eugene. so laggg. laggier than anyone i know, even celestne. xD he still want to try fast fast one. -.- then like totally cannot catch up with me. and then ahani also want to try. then got pattern one.

M: Laura! see i can play with ahani with my eyes closed!
L: HAHAHAHAHAHA. OK PLAY!
(we started)
M: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
A: EHHHHH! CLOSE YOUR EYES!
M: OH YA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. OK OK. (closes eyes)
(ahani stops moving his hands)
M: EHHHH? (OPENS EYES)
A: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
ALL: HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH.

ok. i think this is stupid. but it was seriously funny on the spot.

Bjorn: Eh larry, go parkway with me.
Larry: For wad.
B: buy volleyball
L: ...
B: buy le tmr play.
L: (i never listen le)

dunno in the end got go not. and then ah! at 5+ miss muhammed came in.
Ms. M: I am really furious. What instructions did I give to all of you?
Someone: Clean the room.
Me: ... ( I wasn't there when he gave instructions )
MM: Ok, so it is not up to my standard. I will be back at 5.30, and I will only release you all when it's up to my standard. ( stomps, not on purpose, out of the room )

so everyone very obedient! first time see like that. think is cos they wan go home bahhhh. and we cleared all the micromouse the things. then they take the plate thingy stack very very very very very very high.

then i just didnt like it cos it surpassed me. so i hit the table. one dropped. -.- an i was expecting the whole tower of it. and they dropped! thanks to bjorn, he lifted the table. and then everyone stepped back. CRASH. yeh wen got angry i guess. i got angry too. and happy too.

so they tried to stack it on the floor. we were both angry now. i wasnt very angry. but yeh wen was. FEEL HIS WRATH! -.- but he was surprisingly firm.

Yeh Wen: Don't stack it on the floor.
Ee Sheun and co. ignores him.
YW: I said, don't stack it there.
Guess they realised his existence, along with his authority there and then.

So like then Ms. Muhammed came in, satisfied, let them off and had this committee meeting with us. Congratulations Laura and Jia Kang, and not forgetting Larry, one of the more gentlemen ones in ITC.

yes yes. Congratulations on being promoted. and we had this boring lengthy meeting. We requested for new laptops. And more funds.

YW: Um, new laptops?
MM: oh! i have to check how much we have left then.
B: Not much.
MM: Oh. Then you all have to win more competitions, so I can tell the VP we won, need mopre money. Like,' Oh, Mdm Tan, we have won many awards, and we are running our of funds, et cetra. ( His answer was like so structured )

And then we went off. :D The rest is personal! ok, not personal. Just lazy to type. So long le.

Doraemon!

7/6/08

I have been stabbed by a dagger that has been dipped in poison. Now the shirt is stained in blood and deadly poison that travels through my body slowly, killing each and every cell one by one. The body dies bit by bit, day by day. Until one day, nobody knows when, every single cell dies, the soul and spirit vanishes along with the vitality.

7/3/08

Baby,
No matter what I do,
Or what I say,
You are just never satisfied.

So,
When are you going to accept the fact,
That I am just not as good,
As you thought I would be.

Now,
Have you realised,
How much I need you?
I doubt so.

Everyday,
Without fail,
You will put me down,
For everything I tell you.

Again,
Without fail,
I never succeed to make you smile,
With anything I do.

Then,
Tell me what you want,
Maybe I'll try,
And you'll be disappointed again.

Yea, stayed back for robotics, again. wasnt that boring i guess. witht he entertainment of bjorn, larry, jiakang, not to forget tian lerk, who only knew how to bomb me with me being a useless leader. fine. he shall have the laptop, the robot, the parts, and everything else under his name. he said don wan. SUCKER. no offence. real pissed off.

and yea, they make good entertainment if you ask me. they make u laugh and cry at the same time.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
BIO.
BIO.
BIO.

yes i love bio.i wan yangjun sit behind me! then group work for bio maybe can be horny. =X
theres just smth i wanna type. but it just contains _____________. fill-in-the-blank!
so ya, shall not ype it out.

7/2/08

Welllllllll. Esplanade was sorta fun I guess, I thought it would be like other trips, having to fill in some worksheet and hand in. like history and art. Too bad no need. HAHAHA. ..... nothing to post at all.

Baby,
Day by day,
My condition gets worse.
And only you know the truth,
So,
Will you be there to stop me,
If I ever go berserk?

7/1/08

qianhui says im so un-hyper these few days. am i? nope. there's mra, manty, mad, even rubber mand. but then again, yepp, maybe. -.- i dunno what im typing nowadays. is it because i didn't touch the computer for three days.

i have so many things to say, yet i have no idea how to phrase them, there's just one thing, i hide the truth. nope, don't even think about crushes, don't have. (then again, would you think i'm hiding the truth?)

boo.

Baby, don't cry.
You know I mean it,
when I tell you,
you scare me when you cry.